06th Aug '18
Dear Friend,
Many-a-times, it strikes me that I have been the luckiest and the unluckiest of all of existence. It is not uncommon, I've realized for it is seemingly a part of all of us. We all try to avoid reality. We all try to avoid pain - may it be in the form of memories or in the form of something more physical.
But, I probably present a special case - again something not uncommon in my species.
Those years at Nagpur from 2015-17 , the best of times and the worst of times, the age of darkness and the epoch of light. It was what we all go through each day. It was a period of lovable exploration and painful strifes. I blame no one but me...of course no one else is responsible for anything to you... But I want to forget most of it. Still, just like the mystics in their search for god encounter shocks - I encounter myself - again and again.
To be sincere, I'd be happy if I were allowed to be a bird of oblivion. How deeply I want to be happy. And let me tell you, one can be happy only when he is himself - not if he is faltered and shaken each day for answers to things he blundered. You may feel I am a social maniac. Let me tell you I am not. I just want to be happpy. I feel happy with people. I feel happy with my family and with my friends...but I just want some things to leave me.
Well, actually, many-a-times I smile, even laugh hysterically. I realize that I am me because of something I did not want to happen with me. I am even writing you down only because of this one act...I just smile at times. I just laugh at others and yet I am sane, am I not? I think I am...sane to the level the masses are...probably a little better, probably a little worse...I am yet insane...probably a little lesser, probably a little more than others...
In this world of peaceful thoughts and chaotic existence, I am simply running for my existence. So am I wrong dear one?
Still, the distant light awaits I feel...And I await for it...
Many-a-times, it strikes me that I have been the luckiest and the unluckiest of all of existence. It is not uncommon, I've realized for it is seemingly a part of all of us. We all try to avoid reality. We all try to avoid pain - may it be in the form of memories or in the form of something more physical.
But, I probably present a special case - again something not uncommon in my species.
Those years at Nagpur from 2015-17 , the best of times and the worst of times, the age of darkness and the epoch of light. It was what we all go through each day. It was a period of lovable exploration and painful strifes. I blame no one but me...of course no one else is responsible for anything to you... But I want to forget most of it. Still, just like the mystics in their search for god encounter shocks - I encounter myself - again and again.
To be sincere, I'd be happy if I were allowed to be a bird of oblivion. How deeply I want to be happy. And let me tell you, one can be happy only when he is himself - not if he is faltered and shaken each day for answers to things he blundered. You may feel I am a social maniac. Let me tell you I am not. I just want to be happpy. I feel happy with people. I feel happy with my family and with my friends...but I just want some things to leave me.
Well, actually, many-a-times I smile, even laugh hysterically. I realize that I am me because of something I did not want to happen with me. I am even writing you down only because of this one act...I just smile at times. I just laugh at others and yet I am sane, am I not? I think I am...sane to the level the masses are...probably a little better, probably a little worse...I am yet insane...probably a little lesser, probably a little more than others...
In this world of peaceful thoughts and chaotic existence, I am simply running for my existence. So am I wrong dear one?
Still, the distant light awaits I feel...And I await for it...
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